Estranged Lover

I seek your likeness in the sea of faces i meet everyday.

Where, oh where are you, my lover?
Why are we estranged?

I try so hard to recapture your essence.
I dream of your being at night.
I wallow in lonliness of you absence.
I curse at Fate for my sad plight.

I desire not another.
Indeed, i have no use for any other.
Charmed and chained.
I remain yours, unchanged.

Why then?

That : there are some, destined to fall in love, but could never be lovers.
And : there are those, destined to be lovers, but could never fall in love.

Now, i long for the lover i once had.
To fall in love with, i delude myself not!
I ask only to be with him again.
To see for myself, that he suffered as much as i, only more pained!

~aco4th

rxs-ilo-bcd roadtrip

nag tapos din ang paglalakbay na nag simula noong nagdaang tatlong araw.
mula rxs, binaybay namen ang hindi kagandahang national road patunong ciudad ng ilo.
nadaan muna ako sa bahay ng nanay ko't nakikain ng tanghalian.
kasunod noo'y rendezvous with my pinsan and a friend sa pier patungong bcd.

masaya naman!

nakapagbalot din ako ng pambahay at nakapag-iwan ng mga kasangkapang di ko kaka-ilanganin sa kabilang isla.
in good travelling-spirits ding hinintay namen ang fastcraft na tatangay sa amin sa bcd.
1hr advanced lang naman kame.
ayos! my enough time pang tumalab ang kontra-hilong gamot.
at panay din ang pagpapa picture!
for us 1st-timers, masasabing : passable way-farers din naman!
tamang halo lang ng excitement, kaba at nag-uumapaw na adventurous spirits.
ewan lang sa dalawa kong kasama who were certifiedly takot sa hilong maidudulot ng biyaheng magtatagal lamang ng isa't kalahating oras.
but, just to be on the safe side, i took bonamine na rin.

why not?! XD
i'm not a big fan of fastcrafts. i most definitely have no fondness for these rides.
so my hilo factor pa rin..
mas prefer ko pang planes!


arriving at bcd city 3:30ish, quesy at gutom!
derecho agad sa inn at mag-check in.
to get our bearings back, freshen up muna before heading out to scout for a good place to eat.
i had a craving for pizza!
medyo inatake ng hyper-acidity the other day, kaya my tummy's not feeling so well.
needed something salty, but not oily!
we had chicken inasal : salty nga, BUT oily!
with hunger slightly sated, balik na lang inn at matulog!
recharging is amust!
been awake since 5am.
travelling for 5 hours tops! [with only 1 decent meal to fuel that.]
so sleep it is!
after 2 hours, medyo nakapag-charge na kahit papanu.

game! gala naman.

julz picked me up sa inn [he's my bcd-based friend].
we had dinner at Bob's, which was gratifying because i finally had my pizza!!! [naubos ko siempre isang buong plato!]
this was around 9ish. we were off to Starbucks after that!
as usual i had my javachip! my first after about half a year!
and that was that!
doon nagtapos ang first night ko sa bcd.

the next day, it was time to face some serious business!
it took the most part of our last day : kain, gala, hintay, kain, gala konte, hintay ulet.
3ish : back to pick up my cousin sa L'Fisher then back to our inn, pick up our things and head out!
we took the roro back to ilo!
this was my first time, which turned out to be "not-so-bad"!
the commute from dumagas to ilo city was toxic, though! [i care not to elaborate!]

we made good time, pero 7pm pa rin kame nakarating downtown.
we had to look for matutuluyan, for my insan bago ako naka-uwi sa bahay.
9:30ish : i've got the body aches from travelling all the way from the kabilang-isla, pero determinado pa rin akong tapusin ang araw ng 905 with flourish.
dali-daling naligo, at bumalik downtown with sissy anna to meet with jet and ivan, netty and gino sa rocklounge.
then, we were off to club21 with the rest of the gang!

905 : was one helluva day! started at 0630H sa bcd and ended at 2200H of 906 sa rxs!
nagawa ko ang dalawang-linggong pinagplanohang gawin.
sinamahan ang pinsan ko sa bcd for the ielts exam.
visit mum.
bonding with ilo-friends.
gala, gala at more gala!
plus na yong magpa-umaga sa terraza, get myself psyched up, baring half my soul, and spending quality time with good friends!

amen ~.~

burning bridges

its disgusting, your undeniably lame promises.
they serve no purpose, nor justify excuses.

your meanness cannot define what goodness you may have done
i know you not to be the devil, but your cruelty is second to none

i was a fool to believe what you've falsely shown.
i would never have, had i known.
fie on you for making-believe.
shame on me, for i believed!

i laugh at my foolishness and cry for it was unfair
i curse at your wickedness, how could you lie with such flair

burning bridges.. i'm through with your lies..
you leave me no choice.. i must do this or [die!?]

~aco4th

favorite stuff

Fireworks display on weekends. 5 pillows. Good-feel 80's and 90's songs. Good-fitting shoes. Unexpected visits early in the morning. Lara Fabian's je suis malade. Tumbler. Good-read paperbacks on lazy days. Razor-back tops. Fancy papers. Stuffed-panda and white bear. My hair in the morning. Clinique's "sun-kissed" blush-on. A new pen. Vision of a sunset. Mango-flavored drinks and cakes. Gboy's drawings. 2320H. Cats, my cats. 2-hour nap in the aftern0ons. Ankle-lenght black socks. Long walks around Makati. Old letters. Tuesdays. Riding the tube [minus the rush]. Streamline of a sunray through the clouds. Dark-hued nail polish. Long baths. Gray scarf [pashmina]. Mobile phone. Pink piggy keychain that squells "oink" when you push a butt0n on its head [some days i wish it says "ribbit" for a change]. Black book journal. Immaculately clean nails. Having the house to myself. Travelling. Carusso handkerchief. Pay days. Perfect-fitting jeans [jag]. 24th day of the 9th month.
Friends who stayed.
Life's uncanny way of teaching lessons.
Well-deserved respect.
Everything in general.
Nothing in particular...

Patay-Sindi

I'm not a big fan of cigarette-smoking, but i do smoke. Heck! I prefer smoking better than drinking booze. [ok, so maybe that makes me a fan!] What gives?!

I've come across this vice about a year ago. [this was the roadtrip-that-ended-in-tagaytay scene where my fellow tripster asked me to light a stick for him as he has his hands full behind the wheel. I suppose i found it cool. Smoking while driving along the traffic of SLEX. Way better than drinking and driving. You court trouble that way. N0T COOL!] Can't say i'm proud of that [smoking as a vice] but atleast i'm not addicted to it. Not yet. [maybe i won't be. Di ko naman hinahanap!] On average, i smoke, like, once a month? And i try to stick to a pack of 20's when i'm out for the night. [i don't stick to one brand, though.]

Marlboro Lights : the first stick i tried. I had an instant liking to it. I think it has just the right taste to it. Not too strong. Perfect for starters.

Marlboro Reds : i don't like it one bit. Too strong. Made me dizzy at first puff. Took me what, 5? 10minutes to finish off a stick. Never tried it again!

Then there's Winston Lights : tastes rather dull. Winston Reds : taste much better.

One of my officcemate [past] smokes Marlboro Menthols : after which, i had this urge of n0t wanting to smoke anym0re! [i wondered why.] The feeling didn't last, though. Some say menthols aren't that good. Idk. Phillips and Winston Ice taste just about the same to me!

Once, a friend suggested i try Gudang [menthol]. Sweet filter. Contains marijuana [rumor]. Stick crackles as you puff. "Like smoking firecrackers!" [my cousin exclaimed during our first joint]. A fancy cigarette! Pricy as well, and way much better than Dunhill Frost [no point of comparison actually, it was just a disappointment!]

Well, its been over a month since i puffed my last stick. I'm not craving for some. [but i'm sure to if i have one!] I guess this disqualifies me as a candidate to such addicti0n, n0t yet at least. I could still claim i never liked smoking and would still get nauseous everytime i smell 'em from others. I also wonder [still] why people DO smoke?! A friend once said : "its to be cool!" I think thats lame and untrue. Smoking isn't cool! Smoking Is Dangerous To One's Health! That's according to government warning.

Now i wonder why the majority doesn't heed this!? [i know i don't!] ~.~

Food Porn (1/3)

i was making balik-tanaw with the house of my childhood (in lorenzo village). i miss the meals in the long table with two equally long stools sandwiching it.

breakfast : mum would always prepare this! we’d have fried rice with egg. or instant noodles. sometimes, champorado. or "pinakas" (dried fish) for ulam. then coffee for adults and chocolate drinks for us kids. i'm sure there were a lot more in the menu which varied depending on what’s available. i don't really remember. but i do remember this...

one morning (sometime before 1992), napaaga ako ng gising. i sneaked in to the dining area while mum was preparing the table. i noticed two tall plastic glass with a spoon sticking out on one of the glasses. (these would be coffee and the chocolate concoction for us kids : "milo" [or was it "ovaltine"?]) surely, one of the glass has got to have a mixture of chocolate, milk and sugar (all in powder). and being a kid with a "sweet-tooth", i had a great tendency to "pasay" these stuff. (so do my other siblings would, for sure!). what a treat. tulog pa silang lahat! so i'll have it all to myself, i thought. i crept up to the table as soon as mum turned her back.

haha! i grabbed the glass with the spoon and scooped a mouthful of its content. in my haste, i failed to notice the color and smell of whats in that glass, and so i was disgusted to taste the bitterness of coffee in my mouth. not sweet chocolate!

ack! it was embarrassing! not only was i caught red-handed with that sneaky deed, i got duped pa by taking in the wrong treat. (mum and pop's coffee)

why of why did mum choose to use that glass instead of a mug?!

later, to cover for my mishap, i told the story to the whole family over breakfast. we all laughed about it! i was teased by my siblings but thankfully, mum was more amused than pissed at me.

lesson learned : not to do it again! (instead, attack the ones na nasa "garapon" pa! that way, siguradong "milo" [or "ovaltine"] na talaga ang mapapasay ko!)

BLUERAY

eksena ito during my stay in manila..

one day, napagtripan lang bumili ng pirated dvd sa baclaran. 3 for 100php. (ayos! pwedi na) super cheap huh!

naitanong ko nga sa batang taga benta na panay ang bida sa kanyang mga goods.

"migo, sigurado ok kopya neto ha? as in klaro naman ba?"

to which he proudly replied ; "oo ti, maganda kuha nian. klarong-klaro! 'bluri' copy yan eh!"

*toink*

naisip ko : paanu naging 'clear' ang 'blurry'? aber? binanatan ko nga ; "pukingna, ako ba niloloko mo? paano naging klaro ang 'blurry' ha?!"

the moment i said it, i saw the brand logo, it say's : "BLU-RAY"! (blueray, blu-ray, blurry, bluri)

araynaku!

ganito pala tayong mga pilipino ano? pronounced as spelled, spelled as pronounced. (in this case) spelled right, prounounced wrong. addict!

nalagay ako sa nakakatawang sitwasyon. to which the boy looked offended, not understanding the hilarity of my paratang. sad! hindi niya naintindihan, ako ngayon ang napahiya. what's worse is the realization that : wala na bang natototohang tama ang mga bata sa eskwelahan ngayon?

ang daming honest-mistakes, pagkakamaling ang daling i-overlook.

sa pananalita (e.g. five = payb), sa isip (eh anu naman kung ganyan ang pagkakabigkas, pinoy tayo, hindi dayuhan!) at sa gawa (hahayaan ang maling kasanayan).

if being a Filipino is an excuse for such a mistake, then its no wonder lugmok pa rin tayo sa kung saan tayo ngayon. hindi naman masamang magbago ah, to educate ourselves, to better ourselves kahit na sa simpleng paraan lamang katulad ng pananalita. dahil hindi nakaka-aliw pakinggan ang mga salitang hindi nabibigkas ng tama. lalo na kung ito'y salitang dayuhan. needless to say, nakakalito.

kaya, para iwas pusoy, stop piracy! don't buy pirated dvds! nakakalito. nakakabobo.

peace out! ~.~

selfishness

i (still) believe its (always) better to give than to receive.

pero, nakanampucha naman, its no good when you have nothing to give! don't you just hate it paghinihingan ka, of time, a listening ear, or some other worldly material and you can't readily provide?

that's the time it sucks to be the one on the giving end. because, although rejection or being denied of something is a terrible feeling, it still doesn't beat not being able to provide..

isipin mo na lang, may batang paslit na nagmamalimus, and since you're feeling generous, dudukot ka sa iyong bulsa, only to find out that you only have enough coins left : pamasahe pauwi.. so you walk on feeling guilty for not being able to give alms.

for as long as i can remember, i've always hated being asked for something, anything. honestly, because i'm really selfish by nature. personally, i've three selfish reasons :

pressure : because once hiningan ka, you're always expected to give! if you can't (for whatever reason), you're the bad guy. and when you do give, almost always, its never enough! (a little bit more perhaps?!)

fear of criticism : takot akong laitin ang effort ko to give. this doesn't happen all the time, but it happens and its a bull-crappy feeling. making you regret you ever took the effort to give!

helplessness : i detest this most of all. the feeling that you've given it your all and still it isn't enough.

it was always easy to do the asking, but never have i experienced finding it easy to do the giving. especially when its beyond your power to give.

so i make a habit of providing without being asked. (meaning : when i feel like it!) making sure na kung nagbibigay nga ako, yun ay kusang-loob. not dahil hiningan ako, or napilitan magbigay. i find it rewarding this way.

selfishness defines generosity. still, its better to give than to receive, of course, when you have enough of everything to give! otherwise, forget it. my point being : "thank you" means nothing if its not heartfelt. ~.~

4 a.m

i had the weirdest dream last night. It involved aliens, trains, and the cast from grey's anatomy. It was crazy!

I woke up at 4am, curled up in a ball and shivering, feeling super scared. What was i afraid of? Death? Being eaten alive? Or was it being alone?

Like it maters!?

It was just a dream, yet i woke up feeling like it followed me even in wakefulness. Well, atleast the scared part. Funny thing is, i had tried to capture that feeling after i've realized that it was just a dream and i'm alone in a bed big enough for two, and it was dark and i had to turn off the fan because i was cold and i had to pee.

I think it was actually the urge to pee that woke me up.

*toink*

Pagaalinlangan

I thought i was ready to take on a new something. Hindi pa rin pala. "and the thing that freaks me out, is that i'll always be in doubt.." (ANIMAL INSTINCT - CRANBERRIES)

I can't even seem to think passed that notion right now. Bigla na lang, nasasakal ako ng pag-aalinlangan! I take a step forward only to be pulled 10 steps back.

My only consolation in this is : at least, i'm not trying to deny the fact, that, i'm scared shit! Scared of committing myself into a relationship. Scared of the responsibility it entails. Scared of losing myself again, when for 24years, i'm still searching for me!

Earlier this year, i promised to say "yes" to the first guy who would dare court me. (which sounds like a desperate ultimatum, n0w that i think of it). In the end, i just gave chances, but could never say "yes".

Naduduwag ako! Di pa rin pala ako ready. Clearly, there are a lot of ways to break somebody's heart, none of them : easy..

Dream Catch Me

Two months before i turn 24 (which was 12noon yesterday), i received a call (details of which will not be elaborated) knowing who or where it was coming from even before i answered it! (don't get me wr0ng, this isn't a n0te pertaining to psychic thing or whatever) Either, i'm not getting that much call on my m0bile lately, or, that i'm actually expecting that call to come through. (so it was both). It was only a matter of time.. I have high hopes. N0t on the foreign influences that could affect my future, but on my capabilities and or, limitati0ns to make something work out for myself..

I notice that i'm such a dreamer. Heck! I probably dream a lot more than everyone (in my family, atleast) possibly could. (not that i'd say they don't have dreams, just that n0t as much as i probably would have). Like, i dream while sleeping, waking and everytime in between. But i make sure my dreams are reasonable. That i can achieve everything upto (or should i say "down to"?) the most simple detail so they don't seem unreasonable. So as to give me a sense of actually fulfilling something even in that dream.. I don't make a habit of dreaming the impossible. (they tend to get nasty). So i just dream dreams. Yeah, i've got lots of 'em..

Amazing how we could have everything simply by wanting them. But dreams, remain dreams. When you have then, they could mean a lot of different things and what-n0ts. Then, when you get to realize dreams and make them come true, they become miracles : wonders of life! But m0re often than n0t, its hard.. See, the hard part isn't the dreaming, or the how to make that dream come true. Its the wanting, the need, the drive, the will to make dreams happen (not in a r.e.m-state) in actual, real-time, kick-ass-move-now state! (its easier to get lost in ones dream)..

Somewhere, i've read Mr.N.Gaiman wrote : "death defines life, as dream defines reality" (i've always loved that line!).. Personally, i think dreams are miracles, waiting to be realized. . And willing them to happen!.. So dream, even the most impossible dream. Whose to stop one from dreaming? Dream about everything and n0thing. Afterall, they're free! (pop would always tell me this)..

But there's a catch. (believe me there is!) one must make sure to dream the right dreams, else they turn into nightmares!..

This is my wake-up call. Time to for some dream-catching. I strongly believe dreams are just dreams, until you wake up, follow them, and make 'em happen! XD

morbid thoughts

for the happiness he swiftly claimed.
my life, has it all been a dream?

now, my eyes have no more tears left to cry..
my lips are pursed, can no longer smile.

all around me, it is silence i hear.
deafening..
detrimental of the chaos i feel.

i ward them off with my hands..
willing them to go away..
what i see with my eyes..
memories echo in my mind..

i laugh without humor.
i hurt, yet now, devoid of pain.

there's not a star from what little patch of heaven i can see through where i've lain..

darkness will engulf me soon.
inevitable.
undeniable.
taking me to eternal oblivion..
~aco4th

in utero

three years and i'm still grieving.

three years : i still remember and feel like it was just three days ago instead of actually 36 months, passing, bemoaning my fate..

EROS RILEY

he would have been three years old by now.

looking back, i can't remember actually feeling scared or feeling physical pain..my heart broken, i was in agony, the heavens seemed to have closed in on me..

i cried a mother's tear when i lost him. in my womb, i carried his lifeless body. i cried. but i had to be strong. i had no one. i accepted my child's fate but could not understand why i had to loose him so soon. before i could even hold him in my arms, feed him, bathe him, shelter him, love him.

for some time, i was bitter.. then there was acceptance, with no understanding, no reason.. i continue to grieve for the son i had and lost..

i grieved a mother's grief. i'm still grieving. for when you loose someone you brought into the world, closure is deemed an undiscovered word. you grieve, even when you are happy, even when you are in the company of your family.

a chance at life.. did i loose hope?! (i'd like to think not..)

i loved a mother's love. unbidden, unselfish, unconditional, unrequited..

i loved and lost.. had my heart broken yet again..

i learned, and am still learning.. the birth and death of my first child made me reflect on all the days before, when such a thing seemed impossible, and all the days after, when i knew better.

i guess, i just had to learn the hard way.

"he was my sweetest downfall, i loved him first.."

in truth lies bliss

there is bliss in ignorance.

they say : "what you don't know can't hurt you".. this may be true at some point in our lives, but that is not always the case. sooner or later, there will come along that good christian who never forgets the seven corporeal teachings and actually practices them!

(at least one, if not all seven!) and in this case, it is: "to instruct the ignorant"

now where will bliss be!?

LOST.

ultimately, though, it will be replaced by enlightenment and a new faith. (hopefully!)

see that's why the truth often hurts. (a cliche, i know) but you must agree, though, the truth can set you free!

but then, most people would see truth in relative to their own stand point, the way they see fit, thus there are twisted truths.. lies in truths.

thank goodness for FREEWILL that enables us to choose and decide for ourselves what truths lie might there be..

jeez! oh-kay.. now i feel like i'm preaching!

i most certainly am not! at least, in my point of view, that is the truth indeed! (i'm just blabbing away thoughts)

wth, lemme just depart with this then : i know that you know now that the best way to tell a lie is to tell part of the truth. but do you know the best way to be corrected/forgiven!? (make a mistake/sin first!) GO FIGURE! ~.^

hopeful

what makes a love story romantic is its state of unattainability. having heard a cliche to that effect, i personally can agree to that statement. so sad, but true.

we all seem to want what we don't have. we romanticize having what we can't have. we long for the things that are unreachable and far beyond our grasp.

then, when we do have them : reach our dreams, realize our fantasies, or have the love of our life, they suddenly loose their luster. and what do you know, more often than not, we take for granted the things that we readily have, the people that are there beside us, the facts that are right under our noses to see.

typical human nature.

to look without seeing.. listen without hearing.. perceive without feeling..

so it goes on~

King of Pop's Demise

first news of the day, as i opened dad's laptop. ito agad bumulaga sa akin : "Michael Jackson, the 'King of Pop', dies at 50".

good thing i've had breakfast na, otherwise, nawalan na naman ako ng gana.

it's sad..

but i've always wondered what it would be like if someone very famous, such as the king of pop himself, dies. i actually expected a circus! i'm disappointed (i mean no disrespect here!) but there is none!

another one bites the dust.. a cliche.. but the truth! the world is mourning this loss,indeed! (weird, i have this nagging feeling that someone might actually succumb to death because of his passing.. i hope not..)

this is my farewell to the king of pop.. at 50, he has served his purpose. may he rest in peace.. ~.~

Touchy or.. Sweetie!?

hindi ako ang tipo who would whisper sweet-nothings to my special someone (not that I have one now!) but being a sensual person, touchy ako, with almost everybody in general (as in FC : feeling close! XD)

like for instance, I would more likely pat someone on the shoulder or offer my cheek to be kissed in greeting than simply smile and say "hi". I guess, I'm more of the hugs and kisses type..

so that's what a friend and I were discussing a couple of days ago, who was, in my own standard, very sweet and overly malambing.. and yes, typically bolero!

oh, he would always deny the third adjective!

my belief : a guy who doesn't know how to make bola, is infact, so full of himself! (no offense men! that is just my own biased opinion! XD)

well, as far as I see it, there's nothing wrong naman with being a bolero, or making bola!

as long as, boys : don't over do it. and girls : always weigh and choose best whatever you want to believe! (applicable vice versa)

heck! this is a free country. everyone can do what they want. (which is pretty much prevalent these days!)

speaking for myself, its alright na bolahin ka, as long as you know it!

now, is there such thing as "consentual panloloko"?

uhh.. in my own twisted mind : OO!

fine! gullible na kung gullible. hindi mo rin naman malalaman ang isang bagay without experiencing it.

so, kung magpadala man ako, that's because I choose to and not ever, because magaling kang magdala. maaring marunong ka! (one must always be given credit for something) and sure, sumabay nga ako dahil gusto ko, then.. maybe even made you believe otherwise..

sino ngayon ang manloloko!?.. at, nagpapaloko!?! ~~~peace out! XD

Champorado, anyone!?

I made some on the first day Pop went to Iloilo at wala na naman akong connection on the web since he brought the laptop with him.

So, sa sobrang kawalan ng magawa, walang maisip gawin, at walang ginagawa (other than eat and sleep!) I got tempted into making that champorado that I so desperately wanted to learn! And so, after 23years, I braved myself out into making some!XD

uhmmm! Mukhang passable naman..

The consistency of the rice was just right. But the color of the finished product was a bit off. Perhaps a shade lighter than it should be, a rich, chocolate-deep brown. Mine was just brown! (ohh-kay! perhaps that's two shades lighter, maybe even three!) But atleast, edible naman siya!

There, I satisfied my craving for champorado, my very own! I've been meaning to learn how to make it, just the way Mum used to make it for us!

I swear, I could still remember the taste! Rich, cocoa-flavor made creamier with milk.. I wanted that! But ofcourse, I did not have the benefit of her instructions in making my first homemade-champorado. I only had the basics and my not-so-confident instincts!

The result : right consistency rice, pale colored champorado. But, champorado nonethemore! XD

Gee! Boredom nga naman, makes one think and do crazy stuff!

Paano ba naman kasi, Im up at 0630H to make breakfast. By 0730H I'm back in bed to sleep, ulet! Then I get bored by 0900H, maliligo. Afterwhich, tatamarin maghintay matuyo ang buhok, babalik ulet sa bed! Maalimpungatan at quarter to 12 (good! just in time for lunch) sleepy pa rin ako by this time but hunger makes me drag myself off of bed (grudgingly!) with hair still slightly wet! Ayus! Hilo sa gutom at lamig ng ulo!

Habang naglu-lunch, nagiisip na ako ng kung anong masarap kainin for merienda. (Yon na nga! Champorado on the 1st day, grilled pandeleche on the 2nd ; yeah as in : inihaw na tinapay! And pizza on the 3rd!)

1230H, nakahilata na ulet ako. Eh kasi nanan ang init + super busog feeling = sleepy(ness). So, sleep it is! After 2hours, gigising after makadama ng gutom. Gagawa ng snack, and by 1545H, Im enjoying my very own champorado! **hayop** :P

**Disclaimer : ang inihaw na tinapay at pizza na snack, hindi na akin yon. Binili na lang. Dehins na ako nangahas magluto ulet! ~.~

BUSTED

Ayus! This kid came on to me, asking for suggestions on how he can make sorry effectively to a girl he offended..

uhh.. Should I be flattered!? Should I shrug it off!? Should I laugh my bootylicious butt off?! (har har)

There I did it!
I also shared my good-for-nothing-words of wisdom to him..

Situation : na-offend ni boy si girl when he said she's maarte (way maarte!) and whaddya know, he didn't really mean what he said!

Assessment : I think this is so typical of boys. To say things without really meaning them (generally speaking ha!) And this boy in particular did just that,and worse, offended the girl.

So thus starts his dilemma. Paano siya magsosorry ngayon?!

I say "it's too late to apologize, its too late.." (Yes, kinanta ko na XD)

Told him, clearly, na over sa pangungulet niya yong girl kaya ayon.. The way I see it, he could keep on trying to apologize but that's as far as he can go.

Well, he went on further pa pala, to ask me (though, by this time nagtataka na ako ba't ako ang tinatanong niya.. honest!) What do girls usually like (in my opinion daw since babae nga ako) na gawin ng mga boys for them to be forgiven?

How does one woe a girl ba?! In a way I can't relate to this. Its not like I woe girls! I woe guys! Dang!

At a loss : uhh.. I believe not all girls are the same, nor do they have the same preferences!

"Eh, medyo pareho nga kayo, matapang.. strong." (may banat na ganun?! hmmph! "suplada" yata ibig sabihin ng batang to ah!)

Now, I beg to differ.. For one thing, I'm not matapang! I cringe at the sight of needle na tinutusok sa patient! (well, unless its done to me, but that's beside the point! I digress).. I don't believe myself to be strong! I told him so, to point the fact that I'm not like the other girl! Furthermore, if a boy offended me (or anyone for that matter) they're as good as dead to me..

So, with all due respect, I think wala na ngang magagawa ang batang ito..

What's done is done.

Well, he could just let it be, and perhaps think of his situation this way : if he was aiming to get the girls attention, he surely got it! (though, not in the most favorable way). He could also delude himself into thinking that atleast, the girl cared enough for his opinion of her to get mad about what he so rashly said to her. And if it were true, the girl would eventually miss him so much that siya mismo ang gagawa ng paraan to get in touch with the boy. If not, then wala ng magagawa si boy, kasalanan niya rin naman! It all goes down to that!

Geez! Boys nga naman... ~.~

lovenotes

Grabe! Tatlo ka adlaw wala internet! (Sa pag-anu mo nga!) Tingala man ko nga naka survive ko kag! Baw maayu na lang gani kay na activate liwat and internet connection sa mobile ko. Maskin papanu, konektado gihapon ah. Pero siempre, daw wala lang man gihapon pulos. Dugangan pa guid dabe nga ganiloko ang connection sang iMessenger! Grrrrr

Te, medyo drag.. Nah! Drag gid ya akon weekend. Husto eh! Tapos ko basa duwa ka paperback novels nga gin hagilap ko pa sa ibabaw kung din naka stack ang sankatutak nga mga libro kag magazines sang tiya ko nga laon (who, thank the good Lord, wala dire subong sa Pinas! XD).. I doubt, though, kung ari siya dire kung maka read ko books niya, let alone saka upstairs (which is practically her den) kag magpang halungkat balasahon.. I doubt I'll even stay long sa balay ni lola!

Pero ari ako dire subong.. May tatlo na ka bulan! (holy crap! 3 months?!)

Ayus! I've been promoted to a complete laggard!

Kag anu ang padulungan ko sini!? Wala gid ko namang-an!

Laggard gani!

Kundi, amo na to ang natabo! Umpisa sang friday pagpuli ni papa sa Iloilo dala ang laptop.. and my access to the net! Stuck with no other option to pass my time with..

Pwedi man ko mag watch tv.. (but I'd rather not).. So I opted to read books.. (entertained me for a while then it depressed me..)

Took a trip down memory lane.. Ayus! Buhi pa mga journals ko.. (dating as far back as grade-school)

Oh-kay! Pero siempre wala ko na gin salom ang amo to ka dalum/kadugay na nga mga tini-un! (Dalming na gid man to ya.. I may be bored out of my wits but di man ko muna ka addict ah! Siguro ~.~)

So padayun ang pagpamalandong..

What I found!? More reason to be nostalgic, which is actually weird since I'm home and feeling homesick shouldn't be.. (ambot lang)

"What's too painful to remember, ain't so easy to forget.." (Linya sa isa ka kanta ni B. Striesand)

".. wondering if there is a chance for me to recover my losses, or do I just let things be and take whatever there is left to salvage.. " (sapat!)

Soon actions will be taken.. for plans that took a long time in the making.. Dues will be paid.. Dreams will be realized.. Priorities set straight..

Big words.. Small world.. Endless possibilities! (Iron.. maiden! XD)
I''ll let this die a pre-mature death..

muni-muni

Galing akong Iloilo kahapon.. I was there over the weekend.. Attended that fiesta kela Hudas.. Fun! After the food, inuman naman at Bourbon's! Ofcourse no booze for me.. Didn't need 'em when mas lalong pa yata ako sa mga kasama ko.. Tipped two shot glasses of tequila! One ay na spill pa sa isang colleague ni ate Apes who happen to be super pa-cute! No offense, cute naman talaga siya, but not that cute! XD

Hanggang 3am ang sayawan, nagmistulang private party dahil kame-kame na lang yong natira after the power blackout around 1am.. (Kung sino-sino man ang "kame-kame" na yun, ayoko nang i-elaborate)

After that night, balik ako sa pagtatago sa bahay.. Tinamad-mode! Kasi naman it was raining, and how I detest rains.. Bum ako sa bahay for the weekend.. Fine lang..

June1 : I got na my passport! Iron! Pwedi na akong maglayag sa kung saan! Really, chance ko na to.. Though, I haven't made up my mind yet on where ko gustong pumunta.. I hope by September, mas maliwanag na ang lahat! XD

25 will be my age come 2k10

here comes the random things that is me.. XD

1. I TEND TO ASK SILLY QUESTIONS! (Like, why 25 random things?! Why not 24?!)

2. I RARELY USE MY REAL NAME! (So rare that it takes a while before ako maka respond if you call me by it. I would automatically give out a name if asked, but you can bet it will not be the one on my birth certificate! XD)

3. I HAVE A MISGUIDED SENSE OF LOYALTY, AND CLAIM TO BE HONEST! (They say us Librans are extremely loyal, yun lang were not always honest!!!)

4. I HAVE COME TO DETEST THE COMMENT : "kaniwang sa imo, pagpatambok na dabe!" (As if its my fault that i'm skinny since time immemorial! gimme a break!)

5. I BECAME A "MOM" BEFORE MY 21st BIRTHDAY (A short-lived experience, low-mortality rate. I beat my own mum to it, though. She was 21 when she had our eldest bro XD)

6. I COULD TAKE 5 DAYS WITHOUT RICE, BUT WOULD NEVER LAST A DAY WITHOUT COFFEE!

7. I TEND TO GET ATTRACTED TO "GAY-MEN" THAN STRAIGHT ONES! (I adore darren hayes of savage garden, i like lance of nsync, and theres stephen of boyzone, oh and yeah, crush ko si rustom padilla back in 1992! har har and! I used to have a crush on our principal back in highschool, who was a priest and rumored: "gay" bwahahah wicked!)

8. I'M A MIDDLE-CHILD (minus the syndrome! XD)

9. STRAY ANIMALS COULD EASILY BRING TEARS TO MY EYES THAN STREET CHILDREN WOULD! (Does this mean animalistic ako!? uhh.. wait, that doesn't sound right ~.~)

10. I'M A SENSUAL PERSON! (period)

11. I STARTED GROWING MY NAILS WHEN I WAS IN GRADE-4! (Now di na ako sanay with short nails, they have to be in a certain length!)

12. I'M TOTALLY UNFORGIVING.. TOTALLY UNFORGETFUL!

13. I'M CURRENTLY LISTENING TO CORRINE MAY'S "SHELTER" (I can't work na walang background music. I'd rather listen to the radio than watch the telly. But I'd rather talk than listen! hahaha)

14. BUM AKO FOR HALF A YEAR! (By choice and by chance,though I hope to be back on track soon)

15. I LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT I'LL GET EVERYTHING I WANT, SIMPLY BY WANTING IT! (Then bemoan the cruelties of Fate who, in her own way never fails to give me exactly what i ask for)

16. THE ANAGRAM OF MY NAME "ALDRENE" IS "LEARNED" (Learn it, live it, love it! I still remember the time mum taught me to spell it, that was before I entered school at kinder2! We were at the veranda of our old house sa Roxas.. Somehow, tumatak sa isip ko the importance of having your name spelled right.. But using it all the time is not a necessity, to me atleast! XD)

17. SOMEDAY, I'LL SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS! (In open seas! I have to learn how to swim right pa muna pala! XD)

18. I WAS BORN ON A TUESDAY.. MY 1ST BORN WAS BORN ON A TUESDAY.. (Would have loved to be nicknamed "tuesday")

19. I WANTED TO BE MARRIED IN SEPTEMBER, ON MY 24TH YEAR! (I still haven't made up my mund on whether I should thank Fate for not granting me this!.. wait.. wala pa pala ang 9th month! XD.. have my fingers-crossed! more importantly, wala pa pala ako boyfriend! hahahahah)

20. MY FRIEND BABAK INTRODUCED ME TO "PORN" BACK IN COLLEGE (Honestly, its only with him that I'm comfortable watching it with! hahahah.. bakit kaya!?)

21. MATIISIN AKONG TAO (I'd tiis my gutom than cook, I'll conserve my energy by staying in bed and be a total laggard, ok I blame this on laziness. I also have high tolerance for pain! I hardly notice it until I see my wound. Someone once accused me of being masochistic. Guilty as charged! XD)

22. I WEAR SIZE-8 FOR SHOES, 7 FOR SANDALS, 9 FOR FLIPFLOPS! (Don't wonder for clothes, kid's size fit me best!)

23. I'VE JOINED EVERY EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES IN SCHOOL, EXCEPT THE ONES THAT INVOLVED CHURCH WORK! (So I was a patrol-leader in girlscout, corp commander in CAT, president in H.S council, a majorette, school paper editor, but never the cathechist! XD)

24. I'M EASY! (In all the sense of the word! Easy to talk to, easy to be with, easy to get! Heck, I'd sell myself short anytime, as long as everything is negotiated under my terms!)

25. CURRENT KRYPTONITE=RELATIONSHIPS! (I don't believe I suck at them, but.. honestly, I seem to have lost faith in them.. and men are just men!.. but whaddaheck! I'll add having a boyfriend on my list of "must have" this year! hikhikhik Coz I hate lossing, especially to myself! I say : "BRING IT ON, FATE!" )

punch-1-liner

baka "A" tayo coz "we're not meant to be"
dieta- dieat!

got these from a friend, na sobrang hayup pag dating punchlines..
or baka naman he's making a pass at me.. hindi ko lang alam..
sabi nga "we're not things" hindi raw kame bagay! XD

current status: "bat di na lang kaya niya ako ligawan nang magkaalaman na?!"

merong nag react.. but the one that i'm trying to attract hasn't yet..
kasi naman offline siya.. at kung mag online siya, ako naman ang offline..
siya din yung stinalk ko kagabe.. napag tripan lang..
san kaya siya!?..

anu abi kay..

yes, hidlaw na ko sa iya.. but i have to keep from reaching out to him.. hindi dapat..
timing is a must..

Bucket-full of Fortitude

I feel beat! I won't be surprised if I look twice as much as I feel. .
Haggard, tired, lacking sleep.. may konting pressure din..

*sigh*

On the other hand, medyo uplifted din ako.. I won a small battle-of-wills..
With no other than myself as an opponent..

Ayun! I was fasting (not to make kulet this certain person! XD)
I survived a week of it, and whaddaya know, he came on to me 1st!
Ang galing, my consolation for the disiplina sa sarili..
But, how I miss him!

paramour

www.playlist.com
I discovered this through my cousin Earl,

it's not much but its pretty cool..

Wala lang, it appeals to me more than YOUTUBE does,

no offense to the tube fans, okay pa rin naman yun..

But the playlist is my new paramour! XD

W.O.W

Had this conversation with a friend from afar and it dawned on me. .

(that I should make a move nah!) as a splurge of inspiration swept through me. .

Suddenly, I was fired up with ideas of going abroad as if it’s actually that easy. .

(Well, it’s not really a new idea)

Di ko nga na isip that may crisis ngayon sa Pinas

and that companies are undergoing some freeze-hiring for control measure.

Oo nga pala ano?! Naisip ko, but really it doesn’t stop me from planning,

or go on with my plans to go abroad.

I feel the need to be up and about, go out there, broaden my horizon,

go places, live in full independence for as much as my capabilities would allow!

Ayus yun, I may have a chance at becoming a “woman of the world”

as one of my high-school classmate said in his testimonial sa akin

as we were nearing graduation!

Ha! The line just stuck! It surely appealed to me!

Who wouldn’t want to be a woman of the world ba?! (Whatever it entails!)

H2O runs dry

Today I woke up feeling relatively upbeat.. Woke up thinking of the same stuff that I thought of before I went to bed last night.. Yon na yon! I was just so happy and touched with this guys effort to make me feel as though we (or atleast ako lang) are actually involved with eachother.. At this point, its not what I really want, but just the same I suppose okay din naman yon..

the come back

So, after what seemed like ages I've finally gathered up the courage to sit down and take a visit down memory lane (which is this Blog).. Re-read old posts and it made me think back with a cringe inwardly about how I was back in a place away from home.. Clearly I was not myself.. Now listening to Lene Marlin songs, feeling depressed by the moment.. Infairness to her, she writes songs pretty well and I can't help but love them...

"I know you fooled, a million times.." -*the way we are*

How I like that line, and how, sadly, I can relate to it at one point in my life..